My Struggle

Chapter 1

The golden hairpin was buried in the snow.

It barely moved under the sound of the horsewhip. The cold did not represent the temperature, but the body's normal state.

The vast expanse of white snow, on the mountain, on the ground, on the trees, and in the sky, looked so clean!

The black land and the black river were covered by the white snow. Only a few ragged and disheveled people could be seen in the dazzling whiteness of the mountains and rivers. They were shuffling forward amidst the cries of the officials.

The one who was most closely guarded, and at the same time, the one who was mocked the most was the middle-aged man walking in front. His mustache drooped down, his face looked mean, and his eyes were gloomy. He was only wearing a cotton jacket, and on his shoulder was a wooden shackle. His hands were also chained, and he was dragged along behind the horse that was leading the way.

Behind him was a haggard woman. A few strands of faded silk could be vaguely seen in the tattered cotton jacket wrapped around her body. Behind them were some old servants who had been exiled with their master. Among the servants, there was a young woman who was about 25 or 26 years old. Her hair was in a bun and was only tied up with a piece of silk cloth. Her oval face was burning with a sickly blush.

When the master of the house was unable to protect himself, his wife and children could not avoid suffering.

The wife of the house was old, so the small officials and jailers were not interested in an old woman. However, the young woman walking in the line of servants had to grit her teeth and endure the vulgar and vulgar words in her ears.

"Hey!

Sir Jia?

You are a good concubine. Being exiled all the way will make the beauty suffer. Why don't you sell her to me and let her warm my bed? In any case, she will be the wife of the house! "The younger officials looked at the woman with greedy eyes and drooled.

She was at the mature age of a woman. Her body was full and curvaceous. Her skin was white and dark, and she had bright eyes and white teeth. She looked like a young lady of a noble family.

An old jailer who knew the details grinned and showed his yellow teeth. "In your dreams!

That is the eldest daughter of the former imperial merchant Xue family. The prostitutes in the street called her the 'Beauty Lamp'. Miss Xue, who can be hurt by a careless blow.

It is said that there is also a 'Miss Lin' who can melt with a blow. Unfortunately, she hanged herself when they confiscated her. "

"Didn't they say that Miss Xue became the second young mistress of that family?

Why did you end up in this Lord Jia's backyard? "

The petty official's voice immediately floated up, carrying the greasy feeling that men had when discussing the topic of color.

The old jailer stretched out his hand and rubbed his chest, making an extremely obscene gesture. He laughed and said, "Isn't it because of that Bao Er Ye from the Jia family? She said that he ran away with a monk and didn't care about his beautiful wife and concubines at home. He only cared about his six senses and was free and unfettered.

The concubine had already married an actress, so wouldn't the wife be … hmm?

Hehehehehe! "

Baochai was stumbling in the crowd. He was so ashamed that he wanted to die.

She had been pampered since she was a child. Even the coarse-looking older female servants might not be able to get close to her. She had never seen such an unsightly thing.

The jailer who escorted the exiled official stared at her chest and face for a few times, then spat a mouthful of thick phlegm at the prisoner's feet. He thought to himself, 'In the past, she was a young lady or a young mistress, but now she has fallen into the hands of us brothers.'

It was inevitable that she would report death of illness when she arrived at the place to hand over the goods, so that she could enjoy herself at night.

Who knows how many concubines of this kind of criminal official who couldn't get up were sold after they were done playing with them. The brothels were also afraid that they would cause trouble, so most of them were tortured to death. After all, they wouldn't live for more than a year and a half. Naturally, everyone could rest easy.

Such a beautiful girl, what a pity. But who told her to be blind when she was reincarnated?

In the next life, she should clean her eyes and not throw herself into those sinful families again.

A few mischievous young men laughed and swung their whips, "Walk faster!

If you continue to be lazy, we'll throw you into the snow and feed you to the wolves! "

The whip happened to hit the leg of the man wearing a shackle on his head. He staggered and looked back at Baochai fiercely, then turned back and continued to walk in the snow with his back bent. He didn't even dare to say a word.

Her body was cold, so cold that her bones were numb. Even the back of her head and the top of her head were almost frozen by the wind and snow. But the heat in her heart could not be suppressed.

Baochai lowered her head again. Now that her brothers were dead and her mother was dead, she was all alone. The Xue Clan scattered when the tree fell. Her clansmen took the opportunity to take the gold and silver and fled in all directions. Such a big family business was completely ruined, so she had nothing to worry about.

She endured humiliation and stole to live until now, it was all because she wanted to find out more about that person.

Baoyu!

If he had feelings, why did he give up on the cliff?

Would he rather choke in the cold winter?

In the snowy night, he huddled around a tattered blanket and begged alms to leave her. Could it be that he didn't know how difficult the world was and that it was not easy for a woman to have a man suddenly leave her family? Was he trying to force her into a dead end?

If she was heartless, how could she be a match for that monk and Taoist priest's' golden jade marriage '? He was a man, if he was really unwilling, how could she tie him up to get married and consummate the marriage?

How hard could it be to say the ugly words up front?

Why bother to put on an act? Yesterday, the bones were just sent to the yellow soil. Tonight, under the red muslin curtain, she became Yuan Yang. The man only needed to cry and shout a few words, and he would be clean and handsome and become an infatuated man. She, the only woman who always kept her place, would become a cunning woman who hid a traitor in her heart!

So hateful!

So hateful!

This hatred supported her to endure the humiliation and become Jia Yucun's concubine!

Hateful that she was young and ignorant, hateful that her schemes were all in vain.

Those heartless, vicious and incompetent, kind and bitter people had all died one after another, leaving her alone to live bitterly until now, just to ask a single question, 'Why?'!

Why did the 'Women's Commandments' and 'Internal Discipline' only ask her to endure? If she could not endure, then she should die. Only this could be called moral?

She was a human. What was wrong with being filial and respectful to her brothers, Jia Shan and Jia Shan? She listened to their teachings, treated her servants well, and even urged her husband to improve himself.

Was this not the principle and requirement for women in this world? Now, she asked herself whether she had done anything wrong to Heaven and Earth, nor had she committed any sins by killing people. Why did she end up as an abandoned woman who was laughed at by others?

Why!

The jailer's face was lewd as he whipped her waist and buttocks. The man's frivolous and obscene laughter spread far and wide. Around her, whether it was the servants or her current husband, they all tried to stay away from her … She knew the price she had to pay if she wanted to live.

According to the teachings of the masters in the boudoir, she should bite off her tongue or find a stone to kill herself. But Baochai refused to accept it!

She had been obedient and obedient all her life, but in the end, what happened?

Even the pigs and cows raised by the villagers would struggle a few times when they were about to be stabbed. They would only accept their fate if they could not escape. How could she swallow her grievances like this?

No way!

The convoy escorting the exiles advanced in the vast expanse against the wind and snow. At the end of the snowfield, a dilapidated border city gradually appeared.

It was really too cold here. The land was barren and barren. Even the foreign tribes were too lazy to come here to plunder. So, it was now used as a place to "settle" the convict officials.

The leading officer checked the waist tag and the name list. He turned around and smiled maliciously. He pulled the leader aside and whispered in his ear, "This Sir Jia has been taken care of by the higher-ups. He must not be allowed to live past the end of the year. Everything else doesn't matter.

Hehe, it's just that he has a concubine. She's so delicate that it makes people love her dearly!

"You said the same thing last time."

The leader was a bearded man. He took a glance at the back of the convoy. When he saw Baochai's bulging chest and white neck, he couldn't take his eyes off her.

The man stretched out his big palm and said to the officer, "It's easy for me, but the other brothers have to drink some soup."

The officer quickly handed over a coarse cloth bag with an apologetic smile. The man weighed it in his hand and said with satisfaction, "Yesterday, I hunted a wolf that was wandering around outside. I just skinned it and cut off one of its legs. Come home tonight and have a cup of soup to enjoy."

The two turned their heads to look at Baochai who was hiding at the back of the convoy with her head lowered. They looked at each other and smiled with tacit understanding.

On the name list, there was a red dot next to the Xue Clan of Jia family's concubines. It meant that this person had died of illness.

As for the bones, who would care about the fate of a concubine after her death?

At night, the sound of a woman crying faintly came from a small courtyard. The man's laughter and satisfied sighs were accompanied by the sharp sound of the wind.

"What a sin!"

The night watchman shook his head and continued to walk forward. In the dark night, it was impossible to see the thickening clouds in the sky.

The next morning, Baochai was woken up by the pain.

After being tortured until the second half of the night, her whole body was numb. She could not swallow the anger and hatred that had been hidden in her heart for a long time. She was still alive when dawn came.

Human life was really hard and cheap.

She grinned and laughed at herself, but she could not make a sound because of the pain. The fire last night had burned the corners of her mouth, and her throat was as dry and painful as cotton.

None of this could compare to the pain under her body. The bedding was full of blood and smelly filth, and the jacket that could have covered her body was torn to pieces.

The door creaked as it was pushed open. A black-faced old woman stuck her head in and took a look. Seeing that Baochai had sat up with the quilt in her arms, the old woman threw a set of cotton clothes to her and said, "Put it on. Someone will come later. If you don't want to suffer, be obedient. It's better than being starved and exposed to the cold wind."

Baochai ignored her. After the woman put down the kettle in her hand and left, she reluctantly crawled to pick up the clothes and put it on.

In the past, even the servants at home did not wear such clothes, but now it was more attractive to her than silk and satin.

Anyway, she had already fallen into the mud. What did it matter if there was one more layer of filth?

She should have hanged herself when Baoyu ran away that day. She had endured until now, no matter what, she had to get an answer. Otherwise, she would not die in peace.

In what way did I not satisfy you?

With the clothes on, she was not cold at all. Thinking of what happened last night, she often vomited. She did not want to eat anything at all, so she just held the kettle and drank a lot.

When the black-faced old woman came back, there was a coquettish woman following behind her. She had powder on her face and was dressed in colorful clothes. She twisted her waist as she walked over and carefully looked at her face and hands. Then, she wiped her body and immediately laughed until her sharp teeth disappeared. "Although you've already bloomed and you're old, look at your soft and tender skin. How rare!

Two taels of silver, isn't it a lot? "

The woman also laughed, "This is a business without capital. When you go back, you can earn back your capital!

I left a message at home, saying that if it's less than fifteen taels, you can wait for the next time. You can keep it to give birth to a baby. "

The two haggled in front of Baochai. She just lowered her head and lowered her eyes. No one knew what she was thinking.

On the way to exile, she, as a woman, could not escape no matter what. She was like a mouse in a cage when she entered the border town. Only by following the procuress out of here could she find a way to survive.

She heard that in a few temples west of Nanjing, there was a young master of an aristocratic family who had seen through the world of mortals. He was very unhappy with the monks. Maybe he was the person she was looking for. Even if she died, she wanted to find justice before she died. She wanted to tell the gods and Buddhas about it.

Is it my Xue Clan, Baochai, or your Jia family, Baoyu, who is unworthy of being a husband?

The procuress whispered to the black-faced woman for a long time. She glanced at Baochai's face again and again, but in the end, she was reluctant.

"Ge Teng Zhang?

Fu Zhan Zhang?

Jie?

Ying?

V Li Qiao Qiao Song Yao Qian [Locust Huanfu Yi Song Ye]!

The woman took the money with a smile and pulled Baochai. She didn't care if she could walk or not. She followed the procuress and stuffed Baochai into the carriage parked at the back door. "You go and fight for your life. I can't take care of you here.

Don't blame me for good or bad. You can only blame yourself for the sins you have done in your previous life. "

Bao Chai was dragged and pulled by her along the way. Her lower body was dripping with sticky and warm blood. She was afraid that someone would see her and throw her back. She hurriedly sat up straight and did not dare to move.

When the procuress came back after settling the money, she saw the money tree that she bought was stiff and squeezed on the side of the carriage like a piece of wood.

She snorted, gathered her clothes, and sat on the opposite side of Baochai. She closed her eyes and rested.

The wheels rolled over the stone road. After the clamor of people, there was only the whistling of the north wind.

"We are going east and north. When we enter the territory of the Xuan Manor, we will arrive. You have been so easy to serve along the way. In the future, I will definitely not let you suffer."

The brothel keeper lifted the curtain on the window and looked out. Through the gap, she saw that the outside was already covered in a layer of white. The snowflakes that looked like cotton wadding soon covered the city gate behind in a white color.

The brothel keeper knocked on the carriage's board and shouted at the man driving the carriage. The carriage immediately shook violently.

The snow was too heavy. They had to reach the next place to rest before the sky turned dark. In this kind of weather, it wasn't strange for people to freeze to death after spending the night in the wilderness.

She looked at Baochai, who was hiding in the corner, and snorted.

So what if he came from a rich family?

Didn't he still benefit a few filthy people like maggots? Fortunately, he had been taught a lesson and was scared. In the future, he would be able to earn money for her until he died.

The carriage shook as it ran in the snow. The snowflakes falling from the sky became heavier and heavier. In the end, even the horses' eyes were covered in snow. They couldn't even see the road and couldn't move.

"Madam!"

The driver turned around and knocked on the board. "There seems to be a ruined temple in front. Let's avoid it for a while. We can't see the road anymore."

The procuress stuck her head out to take a look and scolded, "Damn the heavens!

Let's avoid it! "The carriage shook for a while and finally stopped in front of two closed wooden doors.

The door of the car opened, and a man first took the procuress down. Then, he grabbed the precious hairpin, dragged her down, and threw her into the hall of the ruined temple.

When had Baochai ever suffered like this?

He fell to the ground and crawled a few times before he got up and hid in the corner. The procuress only said not to leave any marks on his body and didn't persuade him anymore. She took out a fire and asked the driver to light a fire to keep him warm. When the snow stopped, they had to continue their journey.

There was a group of beggars sleeping under the altar in the ruined temple. At this time, when they saw someone coming in, they just shrank a little. The procuress and the driver ignored them. They lit a fire and called Baochai to warm his hands and feet.

The weather was really cold. They were all very close to each other.

The snow fell until night and didn't let up at all. The procuress was angry and scolded again and again. She had no choice but to hide here and continue to wait. In the middle of the night, when everyone was asleep, Baochai opened her eyes. She planned to steal the horse and run away. She couldn't really follow the procuress into the brothel!

The fire surrounded by stones was still burning. She quietly took a few handfuls of snow blown in by the north wind from the corner of the room and covered the fire.

The fire slowly went down. After a few puffs of black smoke, a stuffy smell gradually spread. After a while, except for Baochai who stayed by the door, everyone else fainted.

She turned over and got up and pushed the door panel. Fortunately, the man untied the horse and tied it to a shelter. Now, she just needed to untie the rope and lead the animal away.

At this time, the snow had changed from snowflakes to ice particles. It hurt when it hit her face. She reached out to tear the straw rope that tied the horse. She couldn't feel it even if her palms were cut.

As long as she ran away from here, she could find a way to see the temple. As for the future, did she plan to continue living?

No, it was better to be a cat or a dog in the next life than to be a woman again.

She finally untied the straw rope and climbed on the horse's back by stepping on the stones. She trembled and urged it to run.

This horse should have been tempered. It had a good temper. No matter what happened outside, it really trotted with Baochai.

Cold.

Painful.

She ran for a long time, relying on the anger in her heart that she couldn't swallow.

When it was almost dawn, she saw three lines of footprints extending into the distance. She looked up and saw a monk with a scabby head and a Taoist with a sloppy foot. Between them was a man wearing a red gorilla blanket.

Looking from afar, the figure of the man looked so familiar!

Baoyu!

She urged the horse again. A gust of wind blew. Her frozen hands softened and she fell from the horse's back into the snow.

The woman didn't care about anything else. She crawled forward in the snow with her hands and feet and shouted "Baoyu". The three people in front stopped.

It was him!

It was him!

Baochai struggled to raise its hand, but its body was no longer under its control. Suddenly, it heard a Buddhist chant above its head. It was the three people who turned back.

"Amitabha!

Idiot!

Idiot!

The one who paid the old debt has already left. Why do you have to add a sin here? "

The scabby head monk shouted. Baochai sobbed in a voice that could only be heard by itself, "I only want an answer. I will leave after I get the answer. I only hope that I won't see any Jia family in my next life!"

"Why did you answer me?

Why did you betray me?

Why did you abandon me?

But Baochai of the Xue Clan was not virtuous?

But Baochai of the Xue Clan did not follow the teachings of the saints?

But Baochai of the Xue Clan was not careful in the boudoir?

But Baochai of the Xue Clan was infected with a bad disease?

What is the reason? Give me a reason! "

She could no longer open her eyes. Her body no longer felt pain. The chill in her bones slowly receded. She still stubbornly looked up at the man in the red cloak.

He looked down and his half-closed eyes trembled. It seemed that he wanted to hide his face in the depths of the hood of the cloak. In the end, he didn't say a word.

He had repeatedly said that he abandoned his family and wife. It was just that he couldn't be reconciled with his feelings. But how could he say that out loud?

"No, Bao Jiejie has nothing to do with me …" In the end, he lowered his head and squeezed out these few words. The woman stretched out her bruised hand from the snow and fell down — "I have nothing to do with you. What's wrong is this cannibalistic world!"

"Amitabha. Rebirth in paradise can be seen through by the bottom. Your obsession is gone. Why don't you retreat quickly?"

You May Also Like

Similar Xianxia & Xiuxian novels based on this story