This afternoon!

5: 30 PM!

After work ~ I didn't have to work overtime ~ Yes!

Exactly!

I played ~ an hour!

Damn!

Is this good for you?!

Thinking of my situation!

I'm not in the mood at all!

Yes!

I have nothing on me!

Sigh!

I'm frustrated!

What should I do!

I don't know!

Damn!

Sigh!

The person I like!

Is with someone else!

Damn!

This feeling!

You won't understand!

Today!

I looked at her!

She drew!

Her eyebrows!

The way she drew her eyebrows!

She's the most beautiful in my eyes ~ Yes!

I like her!

Perhaps!

I'm in love with her!

But!

She doesn't belong to me!

Yes!

I'll continue!

What should I do!

Someone said before!

Falling in love with someone!

It's a kind of blindness!

But liking someone!

It's another kind of mistake!

Sigh!

Please let me!

Continue blindly making mistakes!

Yes!

Sigh!

Currently!

I'm thinking of some books!

Writing about life!

Psychological and other descriptions!

That's my strong suit!

But!

I haven't thought about it!

I'm not in a hurry!

I'll write something new!

Yes!

I know!

I feel terrible!

What should I do!

I don't know!

This is!

It's like this!

Sigh!

Terrible!

The person I like!

Is with someone else!

It's really very sad!

Now!

19 points!

I am!

19 points!

In the beginning!

I still have to work hard!

For!

My own happiness!

Keep working hard!

I know!

Perhaps!

I don't love her!

I'm just!

Lacking!

I just want to!

Be with her!

This has never happened before!

I've had such strong feelings before!

Of course!

This was also a complete fabrication!

Yes!

Now!

Write something!

More and more!

More and more!

More and more difficult!

Sigh!

I don't want to sign a contract!

Could it be!

I don't want to write for a living!

I don't want to live anymore!

I won't believe it!

I still have a choice!

But I don't have a choice!

This is not important!

Writing!

It's good that I can write!

I don't really want to leave!

This industry!

Although!

I know authors!

Very few!

I'm also considered an exception!

After all, authors!

I'm also one in a thousand!

It's not that easy to meet them!

Yes!

Continue!

But!

I only know one!

It's my schoolmate!

That guy!

He's also writing novels!

He!

Wrote before me!

Yes!

I'm still far from it!

I started it!

Later!

22 years old!

I just started writing!

Yes!

Time is not a problem!

But ~!

How should I put it!

Everyone has their own good points!

I know!

It's just like that!

I might!

I don't know!

Maybe!

I can become a writer!

I didn't think about it in the past!

I'm not sure either!

It was my dream in the past!

That's right!

Getting into Tsinghua University and Peking University!

Getting!

First!

Awards!

Yes!

It's real!

Although I failed!

But!

Failure!

It's not scary!

Who hasn't failed before!

If I fail in this!

I'll take it all!

I won't!

What am I!

Number one in the school!

Maybe!

In my heart, I'm that!

Number one in the school!

I have no reason not to believe in myself!

Damn!

Of course!

I don't know either!

Or!

Not very good!

But!

My ability!

The entire school!

Being number one is not a problem!

Of course!

Thinking is very important!

The me back then!

Still!

Very different!

Actually!

I've always been like this!

Looking in the mirror!

I realized!

I'm the same as the me in junior high!

We look exactly the same!

Sigh!

It turns out that!

I haven't changed!

Sigh!

It's hard to say!

I'll continue!

Looking at it now!

This life!

It's also unacceptable!

I can't do it!

Life is very difficult!

Finding a relationship is not easy!

Yes!

I'll continue!

I know!

I just want to find someone I like!

Yes!

It'll be fine after a lifetime!

I also have such a fantasy!

Actually!

Maybe!

I'm really in love!

She!

I really like her!

Yes!

Sigh!

I don't know!

How can I say it!

It's useless even if I confess!

Basically!

I can't touch her!

But this feeling!

Using it to write!

It's very good!

But in my opinion!

It's a little despicable!

Sigh!

Using my own feelings to write a book!

I'm thinking!

When I write like this!

My heart to the end!

Does it hurt!

Sigh!

It's hard to say!

Actually!

I have no feelings!

So!

It's just like this!

Actually!

Life!

It's just like this!

It feels too full!

I thought!

That I'll be with her!

Together!

I'll be very happy!

How I want to!

Hold her hand!

Yes!

How I want to!

Hold her hand!

I finally understand!

How does it feel to fall in love with someone!

I finally understand!

Why I!

Can write a novel!

The ability!

That's the ability to hope!

Yes!

Although I!

Know!

Maybe!

We won't be together!

I love her!

Who knows!

It can't be changed!

I know!

I used to love this person!

I know!

My life is because of her!

And it's wonderful!

Keep it!

To miss it!

It's also very good!

Maybe!

The ending isn't important!

What's important is me!

Loving her!

I can't give it to her!

Happiness!

I'm just!

A lunatic!

A fool!

Sigh!

I don't know anything!

Yes!

I know!

I love her!

This is love!

Maybe!

Many years later!

I'll forget!

But!

I still remember this past!

I'm!

Eating a bowl of noodles!

People who are hesitating!

Drinking a bottle!

Drinks!

They all wanted to help those who were in a dilemma!

Follow me!

Won't be happy!

What I should be doing now!

Learning!

A skill!

Sigh!

Not here!

Writing a novel!

Bullshit!

Sigh!

I want to write!

Why can't I write!

Let me!

Be willful!

Just once!

Sigh!

Why can't I!

Damn!

Living in this world!

Why!

Too stubborn!

Material things!

Spiritual things!

It's also very important!

I know!

Even if I write too much!

I won't!

Be together with her!

Maybe!

I can only accept my fate!

Yes!

But this kind of work!

I've also written it before!

In the end!

I don't want to talk about it!

I like this process!

This is it!

The feeling of love!

The feeling of falling in love with someone!

I'm nothing!

I'll slowly!

Disappear into the sea of people!

Actually, I've never appeared before!

This isn't important!

I don't need to care so much!

I only need to know!

Who I want to be with now!

About my past!

I'll still write!

Further elaboration!

Maybe!

We can be together!

Why can't I have hope!

I!

Don't even give myself hope!

That's not very good!

Yes!

I still!

Give myself some hope!

Hope!

It's all despair!

Sigh!

I don't dare to hope for anything!

Maybe!

I just!

Want to confess!

Now!

Like!

These two words!

I've already!

Said so many times!

Don't care!

Like or!

Don't like!

I'll say it!

This seems like!

Done!

My catchphrase!

How should I put it!

This way!

Is also for!

Girls!

Can find!

Sense of superiority!

Actually!

Don't care!

In the end!

No matter what!

I have to express my feelings!

Actually!

I don't really believe in myself!

Writer!

Believe in myself!

I can only wait for my death!

Believe in myself!

It's also something that annoys me!

Someone else's story!

It's ultimately someone else's story!

No matter how good it is!

I can't participate in it!

So I started to write my own story!

Well, yes!

Actually, my experience!

It's not very rich!

But!

How!

To use these things!

It's still hard to say!

I'm still!

Too inexperienced!

I can see it!

Sometimes!

It's not like that!

When I express my thoughts!

Often!

It's very direct!

It gives people!

It's a different feeling!

Yes!

Maybe!

Right now!

Almost!

I don't watch TV!

Except!

Occasionally!

I watch short videos!

Now I watch short videos!

I don't plan to watch them!

Go to work!

It's too tiring!

Two chapters a day!

This way!

It doesn't seem very good!

Yes!

I'm afraid I can't take it!

Pay attention!

Yes!

That's it!

Although I'm!

Not very outstanding!

I also yearn for my own love!

Yes!

No!

Only the protagonist!

Can!

Fall in love!

I can only say!

Individualism!

Not very good!

Sigh!

Time!

Passed!

30%!

Less!

Passed!

It's a little fast!

It's already very good to be able to write!

I have to prepare for the next chapter!

Prepare for two chapters a day!

Yes!

Damn!

I don't know!

When is it!

This book!

It's over a million words!

Still!

Needs time!

Might reach!

December!

Oh!

I said it wrong!

Yes!

November low!

Now!

800,000!

Sigh!

At least!

I still have to write!

One month!

The task is very difficult!

Sigh!

The writing time now!

It's not enough!

Yes!

Sigh!

But!

I can only do this!

This is a choice of survival!

I know!

This is not good!

I have to work hard now!

Yes!

I'll continue!

What should I do!

I still!

Work harder!

I'm too far behind!

How should I put it!

My ability to comprehend!

It's not very good!

Otherwise!

I won't write it like this!

But this is also my advantage!

Perhaps!

I'm just a clown!

Perhaps!

Even a clown!

I didn't do it!

But!

Sometimes, I have to choose!

I have to continue!

Of course!

My perseverance!

It's not that strong!

I still have to!

Some things!

I have to support myself!

Think about my situation!

I want to die!

I have everything!

Damn!

It's very difficult to live!

Sometimes!

I really want to!

Go!

In the river!

Jump!

It's over!

It's over!

Sigh!

I can't be like this!

Living!

It's better than anything else!

Perhaps!

It's painful!

But!

Still!

There's a chance!

I still have to grasp it well!

But!

I should have given myself the experience of being half-dead!

Pass it on!

To my ward mates!

I only want to say!

Mental illness!

Not only!

Mental illness!

It's that simple!

Sometimes!

We're just afraid that we can't accept reality!

But!

How should I put it!

Overall!

It's still very shameless!

Yes!

I still don't know my story!

How should I write it!

Sigh!

This!

Problem!

I really didn't think about it!

Actually!

The biggest mistake!

It's about myself!

Myself!

I want to lie to myself!

I want to let myself!

Have!

Have a different life!

How should I put it!

This is a problem!

The people I've liked!

The people I've loved!

Or!

There are more!

Xiao Qian!

Xi 'er!

Wait!

I've loved all of them!

There are also some in reality!

She!

Is!

One!

There are many!

I'm too fickle!

Actually!

I feel that I!

As long as it's a beauty!

Slightly!

Prettier!

I'll love all of them!

This is just!

On the surface!

Not just!

It's that simple!

Perhaps!

Yes!

I'll continue!

I know!

I should have higher aspirations!

Of course!

I can't do it myself!

How can I ask others!

This is my way of thinking!

This is just!

A form!

Perhaps!

Sigh!

I'll continue!

I feel a little sad just thinking about it!

What should I do!

I don't know!

I'm still far from it!

What should I do!

I'm still a child!

Hehe!

I am!

A little!

The kind that is malnourished!

Overall!

I'm still a child!

But!

Some aspects!

Some people!

Possibly!

For a long time!

Can't do it!

But!

From another person's point of view!

I am!

A!

A weirdo!

Of course!

I already knew!

Actually, it's nothing!

This in itself is!

A huge pit!

Why should I feel conflicted!

Hehe!

You think!

I don't understand!

How should I put it!

I don't have the obligation to like someone!

Nor!

The right to be loved by someone!

But how should I put it!

This is hard to say!

Could it be that!

It's against the law to not get married!

Actually, this is my problem!

There are many!

This is!

Old and new!

The exchange of ideas!

Yes!

I have to think of a way!

I have to be careful!

I can't grasp it well!

I am!

Experienced!

And had thoughts!

Different from others!

How should I put it!

My thoughts!

Some aspects!

It's very mainstream!

Yes!

Therefore!

I should!

Step forward!

How should I put it!

Maybe!

No one read it!

This is not important!

I'll read it myself in the future!

I'm thinking!

At that time!

Are there any more of my works!

I've read it!

One book!

Ten years ago!

Mental illness!

Novel!

Yes!

I've forgotten!

What's the name!

Yes!

This is very meaningful!

A sense of history!

Actually!

How should I put it!

I still want to continue!

Other people's stories!

They're not mine!

I'm not satisfied!

Why can't I write my own!

Sigh!

Yes!

I want to continue writing!

It seems that there will be more!

Write again!

More!

I like the feeling of creating!

Yes!

This is my hobby!

It's also my dream!

Why should I!

Struggle!

I should continue!

Even if I stop!

I will miss it!

I can maintain it!

One!

The mentality of youth!

It's also good!

Sometimes!

For!

More people's interests!

Sacrificing myself!

It's nothing much!

I'm not a great person!

Selfish!

It's a kind of cruelty!

It's also a kind of happiness!

However!

Pain!

Multiplied!

Sigh!

I can only say!

I have no choice!

Stream of consciousness!

This path!

As long as I'm alive!

I can only continue!

I can't turn back!

Sigh!

There are things!

Actually!

Done!

There are no!

There's no turning back!

Stream of consciousness!

It's a path!

A path of no return!

Sigh!